


Lift this Broken House

by razra



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: 41st division, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Not Really Graphic Violence, Ozai (Avatar) Being a Terrible Parent, Ozai (Avatar) is an Asshole, Post-Episode: s03e14-15 The Boiling Rock, Zuko (Avatar) Needs a Hug, dadkoda, i don't know how to tag, no beta we die like potatoes, sick!zuko
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:40:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26748907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/razra/pseuds/razra
Summary: Zuko has a terrible idea. Hakoda and the Gaang just want to help.
Comments: 36
Kudos: 578
Collections: AtLA <10k fics to read





	1. Chapter 1

Zuko watched as the Masters’ (who knew the dragons were still alive?) blazing flames spiraled toward him and for a moment, his breath hitched and he thought he was going to die (Could he really let it end like this?). He braced himself against the scorching flames, but instead of the searing pain that had encased his face 3 years ago, these were warm... gentle... They were what fire was meant to be - life, not anger, hate, or power that he had been taught as a child. It was beautiful. 

Later that night as he was laying down staring at the broken ceiling of the air temple, a memory came to him. He wasn’t sure why…

“Zuzu!” Azula had slipped into his room again and he inwardly cringed. She only came to torture him when she was bored, which was often lately. If Zuko was lucky, it was just a random story. If he wasn't, it was tales of death - his cousin’s… his own.. 

“Zuzu! I just learned this amazing story.” She sat on the side of his bed, swinging her legs. Of course, she didn’t have a care in the world, and she seemed happy at whatever story she’d heard. “Did you know, the Firelords of old would just wave their hands and a person would drop dead. Right there! Didn’t matter what they were doing.” She looked over at him where he had been trying to study some scrolls. “Zuzu,are you listening? It's said that they lived a long time too. I wonder how they did that.” 

"Go away, ‘Zula." 

"Aren't you interested at all?” She was trying to goad him. He knew it. Don’t listen to her. Don’t engaged. 

A moment passed and she huffed. “You’re so boring." Surprisingly, she had left after that. 

Just a story…Right?

But actually, Azula didn't lie… Because it was true - fire was life. 

If one knew how, certainly one could sense the inner fire in others and snuff out that flame (“A person would drop dead!”). One could even take that flame to stoke one’s own inner fire. They lived “a long time” indeed. It was a good thing Azula or his father didn’t know this secret. He shuddered to think what they would do with this information. Though, he doubted they would ever visit the Masters in their life so as long as Zuko never said anything, the secret would be safe. 

So he tried to forget about it, but the more he tried to forget, the more the thought lingered. It was a poison. 

Fortunately, there were other things to focus on: During the day, it was teaching the Avatar and then trying not to antagonize everyone… The latter was hard. After all, Azula was the one with people skills.

At night, there were other distractions. 

A hand reaching almost gently to his face before filling with flames… 

Then there were the field trips. He wasn’t sure why each member of the Avatar’s group felt the need to go somewhere with him, but it seemed to improve their impression of him, so Zuko guessed it was fine.

But going to the Boiling Rock and then sitting in the cooler for all those hours had taken more out of Zuko than he would like to admit. Then there was the escape itself - he hadn’t expected to come face to face with his sister. He thought he could talk her into seeing reason and that what the Fire Nation was doing was wrong, but when he saw her eyes, he knew it was pointless. She wouldn’t understand. 

On the way back to the temple, when everyone else had fallen asleep, he stayed awake to tend to the fire keeping them afloat. (Chit Sang had offered, but Zuko wanted to think. By himself, thank you.) The adrenaline was slowly starting to wear off and he could feel weariness settle into his bones. He fed the boiler with a fist full of flames before shutting it irritably and leaning heavily against the wall. He knew this feeling - he was going to be sick soon, and he didn’t have time for this - Sozin’s comet was coming. There was too much to do before then. 

So another thought occurred to him. It wasn’t much different from taking in the warmth and energy from the sun - well, it really was the same thing, but maybe a little more deliberate. He could take Agni’s flame to stoke his own. 

His back slid down the wall until he was sitting and he rested his chin on his knees. Should he really do this? Well, it’s not like there were really any options - there was no time to rest and he would never take someone else’s fire. Besides, everything was going to end when the comet came, one way or another. 

It was easier to do than he thought it would be, but it became a crutch and he became much too reliant. He knew it, but still he couldn’t stop. The Avatar had to be taught firebending, and he needed to be awake. Alert. He couldn’t be a burden to them. He couldn’t drag them down and he couldn’t disappoint them (His mind slipped to his uncle and his chest twinged). 

But at night, when the stolen source fueling his fire was on the other side of the world, he could feel the fatigue settle into his bones and he felt 20 years older as the warmth leached from his skin, dissipating into the night. Along with the warmth, he could feel his mental defenses weakening with his strength. 

And that's when the nightmares would come visit. 

At first, the dreams weren’t bad. Stilted glances, grudging looks… nothing Zuko wasn't already used to in the real world. Nothing he couldn't already handle. His scar had made it certain that he would always be noticed. 

But slowly as more and more of his strength left him as each day passed, the eyes became voices, taunting him (“Dad’s going to kill you! Really, he is..”), and then the voices became figures silhouetted by dying embers. Hands reaching out to him… reaching for his face. 

Hands full of flames. 

If the night was kind, he would wake before the hands could reach him. A small gasp and gulps of cool air were the only signs of the nightmare. Maybe a soft breeze would caress his fevered skin as he shook off the last nightmare. 

If the night was not so kind, he might wake with a stifled scream and the taste of iron in his mouth - he’d bitten his lip again trying to hold in the screams. 

Sometimes, instead of flames, his dreams were filled with crackling lightning, and when he woke, he could swear he could still taste the ozone and could still feel the energy zigzagging through him. In his dreams, he was never able to safely channel that energy from his body. 

He remembered once, back when Azula first learned how to bend lightning, she had showed off her newest skill by firing it at a turtleduck. The other turtleducks had scattered in a swarm of squaks but the poor animal shook madly. Zuko remembered her peals of laughter as it twitched until it no longer moved. The scent of ozone mixed with the scent of burnt flesh churned Zuko’s stomach and he had run from his sister.

He later buried the poor animal under an ash-maple. 

But this time, it was him and not some innocent critter. The pain coursed through his veins as his limbs were no longer under his control, convulsing against his will. 

At first, he would beg them to stop, but even in his dreams, he knew it was pointless. They wanted to hurt him. 

So then he would beg for it to stop. For everything to end. 

Please. 

But every day, the sun still rose. Zuko would be awake long before that, trying to shake the tendrils of the last nightmare, then to steal more energy from the sun to disguise his exhaustion and his weakness before anyone else woke up. Maybe this was punishment for stealing Agni’s fire. He didn’t know, but he couldn’t stop. He had no other options. There was no more time left. 

But Zuko messed up. It took a moment for his mind to catch up, but he’d drawn in too much of Agni’s light. It wasn’t settling under his skin like normal, and he felt like he was on fire burning from the inside out. The pain kept building, and then he was falling into darkness.

Distantly, he thought he could hear Azula laughing. 

~~~~~~

It was the sound of something hitting the floor that made Hakoda jerk awake. He didn’t think too much about it at first as nothing seemed to be out of place in the air temple, but it sounded suspiciously like a body hitting the floor. As he studied the surroundings, he cautiously got up, quietly grasping Sokka’s bone club. 

Looking around, he noted everyone was still in their sleeping rolls except Prince Zuko. He also noticed that he wasn’t the only one awake - Chit Sang was also slowly getting up. He glanced at Hakoda and nodded. It was clear he too recognized the sound of a body falling. So he wasn’t imagining it. That was unfortunate. 

The children kept sleeping unaware. The Chief was fine with that as there wasn’t a need to warn them yet. Nodding to Chit Sang, he indicated that he would check out the sound. Chit Sang returned the nod and then moved the wake the children - in case.

With a last look at Katara and Sokka (he didn’t know if he would see them again and he half wanted to hug them one last time…) he set off toward the source of the noise. 

It didn’t take him long to find the source and even though he didn’t know the fire national, his heart still skipped a beat. The Prince was laying on his face; his limbs were shaking rapidly and rhythmically against the ground. 

Hastily, Hakoda made his way to the firebender’s side and turned him over. Tui, he was HOT! He had heard rumors that firebenders might run warmer than the average person, but to be this hot? That didn’t seem right. Between the shaking, it was hard to see if he was breathing and his eyes seemed to be moving wildly behind closed eyes..(Eye..? It was hard to tell with the scar). He was also completely drenched in sweat and even his hair was plastered to his face, almost like he had taken a dunk in the ocean...except there was no ocean. 

It was clear that the boy was sick, but this was no illness that Hakoda was familiar with. Maybe Chit Sang would know? Or Katara? His daughter had spent time with the healers in the North and dealt with various ailments in the Southern Tribe. 

He scooped up the boy, which was made difficult with the tremors (should he be this small? He didn’t seem this small at the Boiling Rock particularly when he was facing off with his sister...) and raced back towards the camp. 

“Chit-”

“Dad?!”

“What’s wrong with Zuko?!” Sokka had jumped up from where he had been sitting where he’d been anxiously checking his space sword. 

“I’m not sure. He was on the ground shaking” Chit Sang was by his side quickly (for a large man, he moved fast Hakoda warily noted) and put the back of his hand to the Prince’s forehead. There was a soft curse. 

“He has fire fever. We need to cool him down - fast.” He glanced around hastily and the two men came to the same conclusion - put him in the fountain. 

Together, they lowered the teen into the water, and the Prince’s shaking slowly came to a stop. There was a moment of silence and they all breathed a sigh. 

“So… What’s fire fever?” This time it was the earthbender - Tough? Something like that. 

Chit Sang glanced up from the young firebender and his brow furrowed. “Well that’s what it looked like, but you don’t usually see it in older firebenders…” He frowned. 

“But what is it?” she pressed. 

“Well, sometimes, a firebender might have problems regulating their inner fire - it can make them sick. Sometimes, their temperature can shoot up and they can have the shakes. Rarely, they can even burn up their insides... “ He left that sentence drift off. He cleared his throat. “Usually this is when they first start firebending though. Not when they already know how..” 

“Is there anything that could make an accomplished firebender have fire fever?” Hakoda asked. After all, he didn’t think he’d seen any injuries or anything on the young firebender, but then, he had been thrown off by the unprecedented situation, so he hadn’t really looked.

“Uh, not that I really know of?” Chit Sang scratched his chin, scrutinizing the young Prince. 

Hakoda couldn’t tell if he was lying or not. 

“Katara, can you take a look at him?” It was subtle, but Hakoda could tell his son was worrying his lower lip - just like how Kya used to. Katara on the other hand looked like she wanted to refuse. Certainly, there was a tart answer on her lips, but before she could say it- “Katara, please. He helped get Dad out..” 

“...Fine,” she relented and went to kneel next to the fountain. The water glowed for a moment then died down. “There’s nothing physically wrong with him… Not that I can tell anyway.”

“As long as his temperature doesn’t get too high or rise too fast, he should be fine. Just needs some time. There’s really not much you can do about it..” Chit Sang shrugged.

So the question - again - was, how does an accomplished firebender get fire fever? And the Prince was certainly accomplished. It was clear when they had escaped from the Boiling Rock and he had been facing off with his sister. 

His sister....

Hakoda glanced at his two children, glad that while they did have their spats, they would never actually try and kill one another. His blue eyes drifted to the Prince’s scar and he wondered… He had heard about the scar, but had thought that the rumors had overexaggerated it. If anything, now that he’s seen it, they had underestimated the extent of the scar.. And then there were the rumors around how such a prominent member of the Fire Nation could have gotten such a scar… 

Golden eyes fluttered open. “Zuko!” The Avatar seemed to fly right to his side. “Are you ok?!” 

“Hurts” was the soft reply. The boy’s eyes were still glazed over and not focused. “Feels like I was shot with lightning again…” He tried to get up but Aang pushed him back with a gentle hand. "why'm I wet?" 

“Again?!” Someone had voiced the group's collective thought. It was low and just barely audible so it was hard to say who. Maybe it had even come from Hakoda’s own mouth, because certainly, how many people could bend lightning? Not many.. And most of the known ones were in the royal family or elite guards of the royals. 

“Yea… Father and I had a disagreement..” 

The group stilled. Did they hear that right? His Father? Had shot him with lightning?! Hakoda’s eyes slid towards his children - he couldn’t imagine hurting them let alone bending lightning at them. Blue eyes met his, and he knew his children were thinking the same thing - what kind of father would do that? 

“Damn, Sparky.” 

The boy chuckled softly and his eyes slid closed (and he really was just a boy.. In fact, they were all children..). “It’s not the first time he’s..” He waved vaguely with his left hand and his rough voice drifted off. He was asleep again. 

Not the first time? Hakoda didn’t like the sound of that, and his eyes drifted back towards the large scar. 

There was a rumor - Hakoda hadn’t given it much thought before because surely even the Fire Nation wouldn’t be so cruel as to hurt their children - that as punishment for impudence, the Fire Lord had burned his son and banished him. Surely.. Surely not. He swallowed hard, but the more he learned about the teen, the more his heart sank and he had a feeling that it wasn’t just a rumor. 

One of the first nights after escaping the Boiling Rock, Hakoda was helping Katara by building the fire. It took a couple hits with the spark rocks, but the kindling soon caught, and caught fast. The Prince had been walking by with more firewood, and as the flames sprang up and threw his scar into sharp relief, he had flinched hard, nearly dropping the wood that he’d been carrying. His head whipped around and his feet had shifted into a defensive stance. Seeing that it was Hakoda next to the fire didn’t calm the boy like the Chief had expected. Instead, the Prince seemed to get more pale and he swallowed hard as he backed up a couple steps. 

“Uh, hello.” At the time, Hakoda had thought it was just from embarrassment but now, thinking back, he wondered.. (He didn’t see the boy for the rest of that night…) 

Then there was the time that Hakoda had sparred with Sokka. He had thought that the Prince had been intently studying them, but now that he thought back, the boy had been tense and had been trying to hide it with stiffly crossed arms. When both he and Sokka had come out unscathed and laughing, he had relaxed, idly rubbing at his scar and eyes distant as if remembering something (or maybe it was because Sokka had come out unscathed?). 

The Chief swallowed hard and then moved to help get the Prince out of the fountain. He would have to ruminate on these thoughts later. Right now, there were other matters to attend to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it’s been a long time since I’ve written anything and honestly, I thought I forgot how, so it was kinda nice to know that I still could. Although, I have no idea where this is going/how to end it. I just really like these kinds of stories with Hakoda and Zuko and the Gaang finding out about Zuko’s life, etc. 
> 
> I also have no idea about the title but just decided on it. 
> 
> Anyway, I based Zuko’s condition off of something called a febrile seizure which usually happens in children when their temperature rises too fast. Seemed appropriate. 
> 
> Lemme know what you think!
> 
> (cross posted to FF.net)


	2. Chapter 2

The Prince didn't wake until late that night, and the only reason Hakoda knew was because he was keeping watch and simultaneously making sure that the fire didn't go out. It got surprisingly cool in the air temple and he didn’t want the children to get cold. 

There was a soft groan and the Prince was weakly pushing himself onto his elbows. He immediately buried his face in his hand while he still propped up. He groaned again with more disgust this time. "Stupid!" he muttered, but it was still loud enough that Hakoda had heard it over the crackling flames. 

Hakoda paused; he was halfway in between sitting and standing as he had intended to check to see if the boy was doing ok, but it seemed he hadn’t yet noticed the Water Tribe Chief and seemed to be having a private moment. Instead, he sat back down and cleared his throat to announce his presence so as not to startle the boy, but it didn’t seem to help. He jumped slightly and amber eyes quickly met his own blue eyes. The Prince’s hand slowly dropped. “Uh hello.. Chief. Sir.” He cleared his throat and his eyes quickly looked away as he studiously looked at the surroundings (or maybe for an escape?). Eventually, they landed on the campfire. It crackled cheerfully back at him. 

“How are you feeling?” 

“Fine…” he muttered. From where Hakoda was sitting, all he could see was that terrible scar in sharp relief with the fire, but even from that limited vantage, he knew the firebender was lying. The Prince hadn’t moved any further from his position, and it seemed he had already used up his strength just to prop himself up. 

“Do you want some water?” The boy nodded with a soft “please” and Hakoda got up, grabbed one of the water skins, and pressed it into the firebender’s hand. He nodded in thanks and struggled a bit with the cork. Hakoda reached over and there was a small flinch; the Chief ignored it. Uncorking the water skin, he handed it back and took the time to study the child. He didn’t like what he saw. Up close, the Prince still looked terrible. His eyes, though more clear than they were earlier, were still clouded with fatigue and pain. The boy slowly took a sip. 

“Chit Sang thinks you have fire fever.” The Prince almost spit the water out and coughed weakly. Hakoda didn’t realize he should have waited before blurting that out and felt a bit guilty. 

“R-really…” he muttered. “I guess that - uh - that would be correct..” He took another sip of the water and put the water skin down. He struggled with putting the cork back on. This time, Hakoda let him be. 

“He said only young firebenders get it,” Hakoda pressed. He didn’t know exactly why he felt like he needed an answer. Maybe it was all his thoughts and realizations from earlier that were bothering the water tribesman. 

“Yes, well, I’m not exactly a master firebender. It’s not like I have complete control of my inner fire,” Zuko retorted softly. Again, he wasn’t looking at Hakoda, and Hakoda in turn frowned. Not a master? From what the Chief had seen at the Boiling Rock, if the Prince was not a master, then at the very least, he certainly was very accomplished. Too accomplished, from the sounds of it, to fall ill to fire fever. “I’m only teaching the Avatar because no one else has survived long enough as a Fire Nation traitor.” 

Hakoda wanted to argue, but there was some truth in that statement, and so the words died on his lips. Most of the Fire Nation traitors were in prison..or dead. There would be no mercy for them. He had heard the stories - who hadn’t? Stories of traitors being tied up, forced to wear Fire Nation army uniforms, and sent to the front lines. They acted as fodder for the enemy while the real troops attacked from behind to grasp victory. Then there were stories of the prisons and cage fights. The winners of the fights would live another day, only to fight again and again until they died - all for the amusement of the guards. It went on and on, the different stories. Some were so cruel it was hard to believe. 

There was an awkward silence as the Prince slowly lowered himself back down with a grimace. He turned away from the Water Tribe Chief - evidently, he was done talking. 

The Chief frowned; he didn’t want to push the Prince, but he also didn’t want the conversation to end. He felt like there was something still amiss and it bothered him. He didn’t like it; like if he left it alone, it would come up again as a bigger problem. 

Slowly, Hakoda started, “I don’t know what firebending masters are capable of, but, Prince Zuko, you are a talented firebender.” 

The Prince snorted in response, and muttered something under his breath. The tail end sounded like, “...would disagree,” but the Water Chief wasn’t sure. Louder, he said, “Don’t call me ‘prince’... please. I’m not a prince anymore. I was banished, and I’m a traitor.” 

“Very well, then just call me Hakoda.” There was no response. Hakoda frowned. He wanted to say more, but today, he would yield. Just for now. The boy was recovering after all and it wasn’t fair to keep pushing when he wasn’t feeling well. With a sigh, he got back up and went back to his seat, dropping another log into the dying flames. The flames hissed and sparked, devouring the new fuel, and he almost missed the flinch coming from the Prince. 

From Zuko. 

Yea, he didn’t like this one bit. 

~~~~~

When Hakoda woke, the sky was bright, but it still felt early, like dawn had just passed. Even so, there was a lot of activity around him. He was actually surprised the noise hadn’t woke him earlier, but he had stayed up later than he had intended, thinking. 

Even Zuko was awake, and the Chief didn’t think it was possible, but the (ex?) Prince looked worse now than he had last night. He was sitting and leaning heavily against the wall of the temple. His skin was so very pale making his scar stand out all the more. There was also a deep dark circle under his good eye - it almost looked like a bruise. 

The Avatar was fluttering around the boy agitated and Sokka was nearby, fussing as well. The others were nearby - close enough that they could hear what was being said - but weren’t in his face. No wonder the firebender looked exhausted. 

“Alright, Sparky, spill. What happened yesterday?” Tough had her arms crossed and her face looked pretty angry. It would have been very intimidating except for the fact that she was looking in the wrong direction. 

Zuko sighed and rubbed at his face. “I was trying a new firebending technique.” His voice rose toward the end like it was a question before dropping again. “It didn’t go well.” 

“Well duh!” She stomped a foot irritably. “You were shaking and having-” She had evidently forgotten the name of the disease and threw her hands in the air. “Shakes!” 

“Um yea that can sometimes happen when you experiment..” Zuko replied slowly. His eyes drifted to Chit Sang, and there was a question in his eyes. It remained unanswered. 

“Chit Sang said only beginner firebenders get fire fever. I thought you were a master,” Katara butted in harshly. 

“I never said I was a master…” Katara looked like she was going to lay into him and he quickly continued, almost tripping over his words. “But my understanding is that there aren’t many who are willing to teach the Avatar firebending. I can at least teach the basics. Aang’s talented. I don’t think he’ll need much help once he gets the hang of it.” 

“Well, that’s true,” Katara muttered with a huff and crossed her arms. It seemed she was still mad at the firebender for lying and wasn’t willing to let it go. From what Hakoda heard, it would take quite a bit of time and patience to earn her trust after all the things he had heard about the Fire Nation (ex?) Prince. 

“You’re not a master?” This time it was Sokka. “But you can like -” He punched the air and made swooshing sounds and then kicked and made more incomprehensible noises. 

“It’s not like I can do much else.” Zuko shrugged. “I can’t bend lightning like my sister or uncle. At best, I can only redirect it.” Well, that would certainly explain how he survived his father’s lightning.

Hakoda felt his stomach sink as he remembered that comment from yesterday, and he could tell he wasn’t the only one who just remembered that little fact, if everyone’s expressions were any indication. He cleared his throat and made his way toward the group. Now seemed like a good time to break up this interrogation before they got into dangerous waters and do or say something they would regret. 

“But didn’t you beat Commander Zhao in an Agni Kai?” Chit Sang cut in before Hakoda could break up the meeting. The man was over by the fire cooking breakfast. 

There was a myriad of emotions that crossed Zuko’s face before it settled on confusion. “Where did you hear that?” 

“You beat Zhao?!” “What’s an Agni Kai?” “Hey! I beat Zhao too!” “Who’s Zhao?” Nearly everyone commented at the same time. They were mostly ignored. 

“It’s a fire duel, and I heard from the guards. They talk a lot.” The man shrugged. 

“He’s undisciplined, and I think he’s an admiral now..” 

“I thought so too!” Aang exclaimed. “I fought him once, and he got all mad because I didn’t attack once, but he still lost!” 

Zuko had a very confused look on his face, and he seemed to be going over the words in his head again. 

“Yea! He kept trying to hit me with fire, but then he burned all his ships instead!” 

“I see.” He clearly didn’t. It was written all over his face. He shook his head, and his eyes landed on Hakoda who had been standing back after Chit Sang had cut in. His eyes became guarded. “Good morning, sir.” 

The others turned. “Dad, you’re awake!” Katara hugged him and he gave her a tight squeeze. 

“What’s going on?” 

“We were comparing Zhao stories!” The children chattered at him, and Hakoda couldn’t help but laugh. Somehow, during this moment of happiness, the (ex?) Prince had snuck away without the group noticing, even though it had seemed like last night, he could barely move. The older firebender was gone too, hopefully to make sure the boy was doing ok though he couldn’t be sure of the two’s relationship. Maybe he would check on them in a moment. 

~~~~~

Seeing the group happy with the Chief was painful, and Zuko felt like he was intruding on their private moment. So either he could stay and watch them be happy knowing his family would never be like that or he could deal with being in physical pain, but at least he wouldn’t have to be here. 

He left. 

It was hard, but he managed to get up without drawing attention to himself, and the only indication that he was in pain was the occasional wince. Agni, it felt like his whole body was on fire! (This was certainly punishment right? For stealing Agni’s fire…) 

He slowly made his way deeper into the temple. He wanted to be alone and to get away from everyone’s prying eyes - particularly that of the Chief. He felt too exposed around the man, and frankly it was embarrassing how his heart seemed to jump into his throat with anxiety before his mind could catch up and calm him down. He knew the Chief wasn’t like his father, but it was a gut reaction. He couldn’t seem to stop it. 

He was halfway down a nearby corridor (it was ridiculous how slow he was moving and how close he was still to the main group) when he heard heavy footsteps behind him. Too heavy to be from any child. He spun around and came face to face with -

“Chit Sang?” He didn’t know what he expected but he was pretty sure he wasn’t expecting the older firebender. “What - uh - can I do for you?” 

“You’re the Prince aren’t you? Prince Zuko?” His eyes held some expectation and Zuko shifted back. He didn’t like those eyes. Chit Sang wanted something. 

“I’m not a prince anymore,” he replied back. His eyes quickly roamed the area looking for any potential escape routes. There was nothing that would work in his current state. That was unfortunate. 

“You..” The older man stopped as if reconsidering his words, and he was staring intently at Zuko’s face - at the scar. Zuko looked again for an escape route. Anything. 

“I was in the 41st.” 

It felt like the blood had instantly drained from his face and his stomach dropped. His father had told them they were all dead, so he had never expected to come face to face with any survivors. Maybe their grieving family (he had played out various possible scenarios if that were to ever happen should he meet them and how he would beg for their forgiveness) but he didn’t expect this. 

He remembered the day when he got the firehawk and opened his father’s letter (it was the only one he ever got in banishment). He had been hopeful at that time, thinking that his father had understood his mistake - that he hadn’t meant to banish his son. That he was calling him to come home. 

That he loved him. 

Instead, it proudly announced that the whole regiment had been wiped out. There were no survivors. 

“Let this be a lesson,” it had said. 

He had to reread the words over and over because he couldn't believe they were real, but with each rereading, the words didn’t change: all of them were dead because of him. 

Because he couldn’t protect them. 

Because he couldn’t stand up to his father. 

Zuko couldn’t recall the week following, but he remembered slowly coming out of that shocking numbness, but the guilt still stayed, dragging at his feet. He had spent the following year looking for pieces of that regimen in the world to try and assuage his guilt but being too cowardly to actually approach any of the family and beg for their forgiveness for failing them. So many times he had wanted to cry, but he knew he didn't even deserve to do that. That right belonged to the families alone. 

He swallowed thickly, and he felt dizzy with sickness. He slowly sunk to his knees and his eyes dropped to the floor. Hands clenched at his clothing. What should he do? What should he say? ‘I’m sorry’ felt too paltry - insincere even - in the face of what this man must have experienced. In the face of his losses. 

“I failed you." His eyes closed, and he hung his head. Zuko waited for the angry barrage of words and blows. He would not fight back. This punishment, whatever it be, he would accept it, but even so, he couldn't bear to look up. After all, the last time he had, he had lost half his face. Almost trembling, he waited. 

But it didn't come. 

"You know, at the Boiling Rock, there were two stories. The guards said that it was the young prince who had commanded the troops and used them as bait. He had used and disrespected the people of the Fire Nation and for this dishonor, the Fire Lord branded him and banished him.” 

Zuko froze. What?

“The other rumor,” Chit Sang continued, “said that the young prince fought against the general who ordered such a cowardly tactic and was punished for his heart.” He paused, and Zuko almost looked up to see what expression the other firebender had, but prior experiences kept his eyes locked on the floor. “This story came from the incoming prisoners. After meeting you, it’s obvious which is truth and which is false.” 

Zuko’s eyes hesitantly moved upward and he slowly lifted his head. It seemed like his heart was pounding in his ears; yet, he could still hear Chit Sang’s every word. 

The man was kneeling before him. 

“Prince Zuko, may I pledge my loyalty to you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I must admit, I like these kinds of stories too about Chit Sang and the 41st etc, so this is my take. (Basically I’m just writing all the things I like) 
> 
> Zuko’s reaction to Chit Sang is based on something in my life. How I wish I could have turned back time. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for all the reviews/kudos etc! I think there might be one more chapter. We shall see.


	3. Chapter 3

The (ex?) Prince didn’t show up for lunch, and Hakoda knew he hadn’t had breakfast either. It was worrying, and while Hakoda had meant to look for the teen after breakfast, he had been distracted - Sokka had wanted to spar and who was he to say no to his son? 

But now it was just after lunch and while Chit Sang had appeared, the young firebender had not. He wasn’t the only one to notice Zuko’s absence either. 

“Where’s Zuko?” Suki was helping to clean up the campsite and was looking around. 

“He’s probably off plotting against us,” muttered Katara. “Sneaking back to the Fire Nation.” 

Chit Sang stood up suddenly. “Don’t say that about Prince Zuko,” he growled back. 

“Yea? And what are you doing here anyway? We don’t even know if we can trust you!” 

“Uh Katara, how about we-” Sokka tried to cut in placing himself in between the two and holding up placating hands, but was ignored. 

“I don’t care if you trust me, but I won’t let you slander Prince Zuko! He’s probably the only honorable person in the Fire Nation.” 

Hakoda decided the situation was getting a bit too dangerous and also stepped in. “Before we decide what the Prince is doing, why don’t we find him first?” Fortunately, that diffused the situation for the time being and they quickly split up, though not without a few angry grumbles. Haru, The Duke, and Teo went off together (though Hakoda suspected that they weren’t actually going to look for the firebender, but to go play instead which was fine), Sokka, and Suki went together, and Tough, Katara, and Aang left together. That left Chit Sang and Hakoda. 

Hakoda wasn’t sure if he really trusted the other man, but he also hadn’t done anything to suggest that he was their enemy. However, instead of following the water tribesman, Chit Sang sat down. “I’ll wait here for Prince Zuko,” he said, arms folding. “I’m sure he doesn’t want to talk to me right now anyway,” he muttered. 

So Zuko was avoiding Chit Sang? What happened earlier? Hakoda found himself sitting across the firebender. “What happened? You went looking for him earlier, right?” 

Chit Sang sighed. “I wanted to confirm something…” Hakoda waited, and eventually the other man continued. “I was in the Fire Nation military - part of the 41st division. We were sent on our first deployment, and it was only after we were slaughtered that I found out we were never supposed to survive. We were used as bait,” he spat the word, “to lure the Earth Nation soldiers into a vulnerable position so the rest of the Fire Nation troops could attack from behind.” His hands were shaking and there was just barely contained fury. 

“My brother shielded me…” His eyes weren’t seeing anything in front of him. He blinked and seemed to come back from whatever memory he’d been trapped in. “I found out later that Prince Zuko had been banished and there were two stories regarding his banishment - one where the Prince had commanded the troops leading to the 41st’s demise. Another where he had argued against the general who had wanted to use the 41st division. I had to know the truth.” 

“And..?” Hakoda hadn’t heard of these rumors during his various times at port, but Zuko did not seem the type to use and discard a whole division just to gain the upper hand in a battle. 

“The Fire Lord is very good at spreading propaganda,” he growled angrily. “He tarnished Prince Zuko’s name just to justify a despicable tactic.” 

“But why is he avoiding you?”

“I tried to pledge my loyalty to him. He didn’t want it..” 

Well, that was certainly surprising. Hakoda didn’t expect that. He refused it? But why? He must've have spoken outload.

“I’m not sure, honestly.” The conversation drifted off, and the firebender was looking sadly into the campfire that was dying down. “You should go look for the Prince. He shouldn’t be alone for too long. The last I saw him, he was headed towards the lower parts of the temple.” 

Hakoda nodded and left the firebender to his thoughts. He didn’t really think he should leave Chit Sang alone - it seemed he had dredged up a lot of memories - but he was also concerned the (ex?) Prince had done the same. 

It actually didn’t take long to find the young firebender. It probably helped that Chit Sang knew the general direction that the teen had gone and there were only so many paths available. He was sitting and leaning heavily against a pile of rubble with his head resting on top of it. He seemed to be staring at the ceiling, though it was hard to tell since all Hakoda could see was the scar’s slitted eye and deformed ear. It occurred to him then - just how much could he see out of that eye? How much could he hear? 

A quick survey of the area showed various scorch marks. It was hard to say if they were fresh or not. Either way, seemed like the (ex?) Prince came here often. 

He cleared his throat and golden eyes slowly blinked and looked at him. Zuko looked back up at the ceiling and threw an arm over his eyes shielding them from view. “What is it, Chief?” His voice sounded hoarse as if he’d been screaming or crying. 

Hakoda stepped forward, but stopped when the firebender flinched. Still, he didn’t move his arm. “I was talking to Chit Sang,” the Water Tribe Chief started, not sure how to approach the conversation. Apparently though, just that small prompt was enough. 

There was a sharp intake of air, then, “He told me they were all dead. I didn’t expect…” His voice drifted hard, and his Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard. “I didn’t think I would meet any of them - the survivors. I was supposed to protect them, and I couldn’t do anything. I failed. I failed them.” His breathing was picking up, and he was clearly trying to squash the beginnings of a panic attack. 

“Was that why you wouldn’t accept Chit Sang’s pledge?” 

“I don’t deserve it. I can’t - I can’t even ask for forgiveness.” 

“But I heard that you stood up against the general.”

“Load of good that did. Got me burned and banished. I should have known from then that my father was just trying to get rid of me,” he spat bitterly. His arm not covering his face was clenched at this chest and pushing down as if his chest physically hurt him. He was slowly curling in onto himself with each word - as if he was trying to protect himself. His breath hitched and he ground his teeth. Soon enough, his head was buried in his knees and his breathing turned irregular, like he was trying to hold it and trying not to cry. “I should have known then. Why was I so blind?!” His voice broke at the end. 

Hakoda couldn’t leave him like this. Every instinct inside him told him to grab him and chase away the spirits plaguing the boy. But instead of recklessly grabbing him (Hakoda knew that wouldn’t go well. After all, Zuko’s father was the Fire Lord who was not well known for compassion and Hakoda was 99% sure had given him the scar marking his face..), Hakoda slowly approached the firebender and kneeled before him. He laid a hesitant hand on his shoulder and there was a soft flinch in response before the boy leaned in a bit. Just a bit. “I think you did a remarkable job in protecting your people.” 

“I failed them. I couldn’t save them,” he argued back weakly. 

“You did more than any child could have done in that situation - you stood up to the adults and tried to point out what was wrong. That takes a lot of strength and bravery.” There was a sound like he was going to argue again but instead, the boy dissolved into tears, finally giving in - it seemed like he had been holding back for a long time. Hakoda pulled him into a gentle hug; the Prince didn’t fight. 

Hakoda had heard from his children that before the Prince had joined them, he had been searching for his lost honor; but to Hakoda, it seemed that the boy had never lost his honor in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I don’t have anymore thoughts about this fanfic, and I think I’ll end this here. I know there are some unresolved things, like Zuko taking Agni’s fire, but I think that would be a secret he would never tell. I also imagine Zuko accepting Chit Sang’s pledge later, but maybe not yet because he’s not ready. Idfk. 
> 
> I also thought about having the Gaang spying on Hakoda and Zuko during the talk, but then I didn’t know what they would do. Probably cry their eyes out and dog pile him. 
> 
> I don’t mean to put Katara in such a bad light, but at this point in the series, she really didn’t trust Zuko. 
> 
> Thank you for the reviews/kudos etc! Lemme know what you think

**Author's Note:**

> Well, it’s been a long time since I’ve written anything and honestly, I thought I forgot how, so it was kinda nice to know that I still could. Although, I have no idea where this is going/how to end it. I just really like these kinds of stories with Hakoda and Zuko and the Gaang finding out about Zuko’s life, etc. 
> 
> I also have no idea about the title but just decided on it. 
> 
> Anyway, I based Zuko’s condition off of something called a febrile seizure which usually happens in children when their temperature rises too fast. Seemed appropriate. 
> 
> Lemme know what you think!
> 
> (cross posted to FF.net)


End file.
